Saturday, November 7, 2009

Sammy Sosa..An American Tragedy (Juicers Gone Wild part 2)

 (The Chocolate Wonderboy)

The fall from grace for an athlete can be swift and painful for them, and for us the plummet can be slow and painful to watch. We root for our champions and celebrities while simultaneously awaiting their downfall as if their own human faults somehow validate within us the notion that they are no bigger and better than we are, and by some stroke of luck they found the success within their respected feilds that has evaded us.....

(Is that Antonio Banderas with a wig on??)

I rooted for Sammy, in spite of his horrid name, his widows-peak, and the fact that he was one of the few athletes in history to be a double-juicer; a guy with Jheri-curl juice on his head and illegal popeye-strength-juice flowing through his veins...I rooted for Sammy even after he did a Dennys commercial and mispronounced "rice-pilaf", I was even rooting after the fiasco at a congressional hearing on steroids where a sweating Sammy answered questions with "no hablo ingles".......

      I was a Sammy Sosa fan.

( Lookin' like Gargamel from the smurfs)

I cant ride the Sammy band-wagon any longer, Sammy showed up  at the Latin Grammy awards in Las Vegas looking like he had been dipped in Tempura-shrimp batter......his healthy chestnut bronze complexion had been replaced with an asbestos glow reminiscent of seeing Ricky Ricardo on a black & and white television in the dark. I was flabbergasted yet somehow fascinated at my childhood hero transformed into a mummy-like figurine.

 (That chick he's with has a sturdy chin!)

The rumors are brother says he could have possibly fallen into a barrel of Bisquik biscuit mix , my cousin speculated that it was the effects of steroids mixed with the hot Dominican sun and pineapple-juice ...the world may never know, why this man is glowing like a toxic glow worm..lets not rule out radiation...first Barry Bonds head swelling to the size of a small asteroid, and now Sammy's skin looking like frosted mini-wheats.

 (why is he cheesin like Cab Calloway?)

The saddest fact of this whole tragedy is that if it is truly Vitiligo which is what Michael Jackson supposedly suffered from, the only cure is........topical steroids!  


(From Chocolate Wonderboy to Wonderbread)

Damn you SAMMY!!!!!!!!


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